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No Maher is NOT a member of 'The Country Club' but he was privileged enough to know someone who is.......

A man got hit by lightning Monday morning on a golf course in Madison , WI . The following are pics of what was left of his bag. Please pass this along to your golfing buddies. Read the what the policeman says, then take a look at the pictures.

I have been a police officer for 18 yrs and have seen a lot of gruesome and disturbing scenes (if you can imagine it, I have probably seen a variation of it) ... this one was different because it hits close to home and some of us have been in this situation.

This 75 year old golfer (no pictures of him) was out on the course with 3 other retired guys for a regular weekly tee time, and the weather forecast didn't even predict rain at 10pm the night before.
They teed off and got around to the back nine when it started to rain, and when there was a little lightning way off in the distance so they headed in. They waited under a tree half way in when the rain became very heavy. When it let up a little bit three of them then continued in but one guy decided to wait it out under a 50' pine with an overhang of 10' while standing next to his bag.
Minutes later a lightning bolt struck his bag and push cart as he was holding onto one of his clubs killing him instantly.
On the top of the first photo you will see what was left of his driver ... also in a later photo are little brown clumps which used to be golf balls.
Most of the items in the bag simply disintegrated from the heat and intense initial zap - including the labels to his ping irons and Cleveland woods (which all popped off). The electricity burned holes into the bottoms of the clubs.
The strange thing is the tree under which he was standing had no sign of a lightning strike.. The bolt literally went sideways under the tree to the golf clubs.
Lesson to be learned - If you are caught out on the course or water ... distance yourself from anything metal OR graphite.
(Did you know that lightning rods are often made of graphite?) Put your cart 50' away from you! When you see lightning off in the distance GO IN IMMEDIATEL-, DON'T WAIT.

Monday morning, he found himself paired with an attractive woman, Annette, who turned out to be a very good golfer.

They started with a few casual bets, but by the back nine it was a full-blown competition.

Annette asked for a ride home and, on the way, told him, 'You know, Harold, I haven't enjoyed myself so much on the golf course in a long time. In fact, pull over so I can express my appreciation.'

He did, they kissed, and one thing led to another and so on she gave him the best oral sex he'd ever had.

The next morning, they met again on the first tee and played together again. They had another magnificent day, Enjoying each other's company and playing tight, competitive golf .

This went on all week, with Harold narrowly losing every day, his male ego bruised, but not unhappy.

On Friday's drive home, Harold said, 'Annette, you've been great to be with all this week and tonight I'd like to return the favor. I made reservations at the best restaurant in town for us and reserved the penthouse suite at the best hotel. What do you say?'

'Because,' she sobbed, 'I'm in the middle of a sex change and the doctor hasn't completed that part of me yet!'

'What?!' Aghast, Harold swerved off the road;screeched to a stop and cursed madly, overcome with emotion.

'You bastard!' Harold screamed, his face bright red. 'You cheating bastard! All week long you've been playing off the women's tees!'

A father, son and grandson went to the country club for their weekly round of golf. Just as they reached the first tee, a beautiful young blonde woman carrying her bag of clubs approached them.

She explained that the member who brought her to the club for a round of golf had an emergency that called him away and asked the trio whether she could join them.

Naturally, the guys all agreed.

Smiling, the blonde thanked them and said, 'Look, fellows, I work in a topless bar as a dancer, so nothing shocks me anymore. If any of you want to smoke cigars, have a beer, bet, swear, tell off-color stories or do anything that you normally do when playing a round together, go ahead. But, I enjoy playing golf, consider myself pretty good at it, so don't try to coach me on how to play my shots.'

With that the guys agreed to relax and invited her to drive first.

All eyes were fastened on her shapely behind as she bent to place her ball on the tee. She then took her driver and hit the ball 270 yards down the middle, right in front of the green.

The father's mouth was agape. 'That was beautiful,' he said.

The blonde put her driver away and said, 'I really didn't get into it, and I faded it a little.'

After the three guys hit their drives and their second shots, the blonde took out an eight iron and lofted the ball within five feet of the hole. (She was closest to the pin.)

The son said, 'Damn, lady, you played that perfectly.'

The blonde frowned and said, 'It was a little weak, but even an easy seven would have been too much club. I've left a tricky little putt.' She then tapped in the five-footer for a birdie.

Having the honors, she drove first on the second hole, knocked the heck out of the ball, and it landed nearly 300 yards away smack in the middle of the fairway.

For the rest of the round the statuesque blonde continued to amaze the guys, quietly and methodically shooting for par or less on every hole.

When they arrived at the 18th green, the blonde was three under par, and had a very nasty 12-foot putt on an undulating green for a par.

She turned to the three guys and said, 'I really want to thank you all for not acting like a bunch of chauvinists and telling me what club to use or how to play a shot, but I need this putt for a 69 and I'd really like to break 70 on this course.

If any one of you can tell me how to make par on this hole I'll take him back to my apartment, pour some 35-year-old Single Malt Strath Mill Scotch in him, fix him a steak dinner and then show him a very good time the rest of the night.'

The yuppie son jumped at the thought! He strolled across the green, carefully eyeing the line of the putt and finally said, 'Honey, aim about 6 inches to the right of the hole and hit it firm. It will get over that little hump and break right into the cup.'

The father knelt down and sighted the putt using his putter as a plumb. 'Don't listen to the kid, darlin', you want to hit it softly 10 inches to the right and let it run left down that little hogback, so it falls into the cup.'

The old gray-haired grandfather walked over to the blonde's ball, picked it up and handed it to her and said, 'That's a gimme, sweetheart.'

The blonde smiled and said, 'Your car or mine?'

OLD AGE AND TREACHERY WILL OVERCOME YOUTH AND SKILL EVERY TIME!

A Golf Poem

In my Hand I Hold A Ball,
White And Dimpled, Rather Small.
Oh, How Bland It Does Appear,
This Harmless Looking Little Sphere.

By It's Size I Could Not Guess,
The Awesome Strength It Does Possess.
But Since I Fell Beneath Its Spell,
I've Wandered Through The Fires Of Hell.

My Life Has Not Been Quite The Same,
Since I Chose To Play This Stupid Game.
It Rules My Mind For Hours On End,
A Fortune It Has Made Me Spend.

It Has Made Me Yell, Curse And Cry,
I Hate Myself And Want To Die.
It Promises A Thing Called Par,
If I Can Hit It Straight And Far.

To Master Such A Tiny Ball,
Should Not Be Very Hard At All.
But My Desires The Ball Refuses,
And Does Exactly As It Chooses.

It Hooks And Slices, Dribbles And Dies,
And Even Disappears Before My eyes.
Often It Will Have A Whim,
To Hit A Tree Or ! Take A Swim.

With Miles Of Grass On Which To Land,
It Finds A Tiny Patch Of Sand.
Then Has Me Offering Up My Soul,
If Only It Would Find The Hole.

It's Made Me Whimper Like A Pup,
And Swear That I Will Give It Up.
And Take To Drink To Ease My Sorrow,
But The Ball Knows ... I'll Be Back Tomorrow.

_____________________________________________________

Stand proud you noble
swingers of clubs and losers of balls....

A recent study found the20average golfer walks about 900 miles a year.
Another study found golfers drink, on average, 22 gallons of alcohol a year.
That means, on average, golfers get about 41 miles to the gallon.

Kind of makes you proud. Almost feel like a hybrid.

1. Eighteen holes of match play will teach you more about your foe than 18 years of dealing with him across a desk..... Grantland Rice

2. Golf appeals to the idiot in us and the child. Just how childlike golf players become is proven by their frequent inability to count past five..... John Updike

3. It is almost impossible to remember how tragic a place the world is when one is playing golf..... Robert Lynd

4. If profanity had any influence on the flight of the ball, the game of golf would be played far better than it is..... Horace G. Hutchinson

5. They say golf is like life, but don't believe them. Golf is more complicated than that..... Gardner Dickinson

6. If a lot of people gripped a knife and fork as poorly as they do a golf club, they'd starve to death..... Sam Snead

9. If your going to throw a club, it is important to throw it ahead of you, down the fairway, so you don't have to waste energy going back to pick it up..... Tommy Bolt

10. Man blames fate for all other accidents, but feels personally responsible when he makes a hole-in-one..... Bishop Sheen

11. I don't say my golf game is bad, but if I grew tomatoes they'd come up sliced..... Arnold Palmer

13. The ardent golfer would play Mount Everest if somebody would put a flag stick on top..... Pete Dye

14. I'm hitting the woods just great; but having a terrible time getting out of them..... Buddy Hackett

15. The only time my prayers are never answered is playing golf..... Billy Graham

16. If you think it's hard to meet new people, try picking up the wrong golf balls..... Jack Lemmon

17. It's good sportsmanship not to pick up lost golf balls while they are still rolling..... Mark Twain

19. Golf and sex are the only things you can enjoy without being good at either of them..... Jimmy Demaret

20. May the ball lie in green pastures, and not in the still waters..... Ben Hogan

21. If I hit it right, it's a slice. If I hit it left, it's a hook. If I hit it straight, it's a miracle..... All us Hackers

22. The difference in golf and government is that in golf you can't improve your lie..... George Deukmejian

23. Golf is a game invented by the same people who think music comes out of a bagpipe..... Lee Trevino

A couple was celebrating their golden wedding anniversary on the beaches in Montego Bay, Jamaica. Their domestic tranquility had long been the talk of the town. People would say, "What a peaceful & loving couple".

The local newspaper reporter was inquiring as to the secret of their long and happy marriage. Then Don Addington replied: "Well, it dates back to our honeymoon in America," explained Don A. . "We visited the Grand Canyon, in Arizona, and took a trip down to the bottom of the canyon, by horse. We hadn't gone too far when my Georgianna''s horse stumbled and she almost fell off. Georgianna looked down at the horse and quietly said, "That's once."

"We proceeded a little further and her horse stumbled again. My wife quietly said, "That's twice."

We hadn't gone a half-mile when the horse stumbled for the third time my wife quietly removed a revolver from her purse and shot the horse dead.

I SHOUTED at her, "What's wrong with you, Woman! Why did you shoot the poor animal like that, are you friggin crazy!?"

She looked at ME, and quietly said, "That's once."

And from that moment..... we have lived happily every after."

"Fear of any kind is the number one enemy of all golfers, regardless of ball striking and shot making capabilities"..... Jack Nicklaus

"The trick.... is to stay serene. The whole secret of mastering the game of golf, and this applies to the beginner as well as to the pro, is to cultivate a mental approach to the game which will enable you to shrug off bad shots, shrug off bad days, keep patient and know in your heart that sooner or later you will be back on top"........ Arnold Palmer

"You're completely alone with every conceivable opportunity to defeat yourself."...... Hale Irwin

"There have been a lot of times I've wanted to strangle a club or two of my own. How about you?"..... Lee Trevino

"Perhaps the desire to improve is greater in golfers than in any other sportsmen, possibly because there are other opponents besides your fellow-competitor. There is the constant battle against par and the even greater struggle within yourself."...... Gary Player

"Play the punch shot with every club in the bag, even the driver."....... Eric Leja

Harry hitting out of the fescue on Franklin Park's 5th hole Monday night, the geese were not impressed......

Eric and I decided to get Harry out one more time before he moved back to Sweet Home Chicago. It was a fine day at the Franklin Park shit hole, and all 3 of us wanted to win this last round of golf with Harry but Harry's 38 took home the bacon..... but Eric did post a 41 and I 43, but it was not enough. I am sure we will see Harry from time to time and someday there will be a NSHGC vs TAG's tournament. Or Chicago hackers vs Boston hackers.... lol...... Good Luck Chris 'Harry Potter' Fisher......

A punch 5 iron from approximately 165 yards on the par 4, 14th hole at Red Tail. Eric holed it out to save par. Just how lucky can one guy be at a course named Red Tail...............

The Gordon's fisherman is the one and only Puppet Master, shown above in the first round of 2005's season. Had his Gordon's fisherman's outfit on again this Saturday to battle the weather the four hard guy hackers battled on Saturday at Red Tail. The rain just never let up but Red Tail drained well and we had a great day, just very wet. We will be at Waverly Oaks next week were the picture about was taken, the only question is will we battle weather again or will we see sun and sky.

This ladies and gentlemen is not in reference to some zany putt. This my friends is in reference to one of the greatest single acts of destruction mine eyes have ever witnessed. On Saturday, April 15, 2006 a one, Jay Tiberius Kane sprayed an errant tee shot mid way through his round at Blackstone National Golf Course. I believe the terms, "AHHHHH JAY!!!" followed up with, "Mutnah Fuckah!" was uttered at a rather high decibel level. Immediately following the very rare curse words from Mr. Kane, his driver was projected directly at the side of my golf cart. It spirally whistled through the air reaching a club head speed of at LEAST 120 mph. In an instant, the center of the shaft on the club met the metal support bar of the cart that connects the roof to the rest of the vehicle. A loud SNAP was heard. The shaft of the club (defying all laws of physics) separated into three pieces and hurled further past the golf cart. As the dust was settling, only the soft metallic tinkle of his club head could be heard bouncing down the cart path.

All though this won't come even close to the "Most clubs thrown in one round" category, it was truly one of the finest, if not THE finest club toss in the history of the game. I feel honored to have been part of this tender moment in sports history. Mr. Kane, I salute thee.

It was a miserably hot day for everyone. But when a fish is caught out of the water on a day like this.... its not pretty.... lol But for a hacker who just had major surgery not long ago faired pretty well in this heat. But no one had a fun day today it was just that hot.......

Eric and Jay with Mt. Washington Hotel in the background. I believe it was the 4th green on October 31st 2002...

The first club championship held at Mt. Washington Hotel & Resort Golf Course. A Donald Ross gem. It rained, snowed and was very cold with a nice wild chill factor also but was a great day non the less...

The North Shore Hackers Golf Club, 2002 club championship was held in New Hampshire at the magnificent Mt. Washington Hotel Golf Club. A 6,638 yard, par 71 course that was designed by the great Scotchman, Donald Ross back in 1915. It was the perfect setting for the first annual club championship. However, the weather was not perfect in the higher attitudes so late in the season. But like the hackers we are, we battled the elements and had a great, grand old time.

The championship was one of the great inconsistencies that we all play with here at the North Shore Hackers Golf Club. Because of the inconsistency everyone is always in the running right up until the end. We like to refer to this as the Van de Velde for obvious reasons. And you would like to talk about de shah vue, the 18 hole at the Mt. Washington course has a river or stream running through the fairway about 100 yards from the green. And wouldn't you know, Jay Kane with a two stroke lead going into the last hole, pulled a Van de Velde. To make things short and sweet, Eric Leja beat Jay Kane by one stroke and Tom Leblanc by 4 strokes. Making him the North Shore Hackers Golf Club Champion for 2002 and it was well earned in the cold, rain, sleet, and just unpleasant playing conditions.

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